i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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