Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize