I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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