all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
