i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
