Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
