Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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