wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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