This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
so much tequila, so little girl.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
