my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
