How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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