You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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