I will die if light touches me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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