I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
