You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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