You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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