either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
