Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just had sex bonerless
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
