yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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