my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
