Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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