i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
