Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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