Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
