I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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