Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
