I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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