take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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