But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
