I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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