Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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