Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
