don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
