she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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