Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
