so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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