And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
