Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
