It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
