mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
