I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
