I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
