Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
