My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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