Have you finally orgasmed yet?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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