I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
