brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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