He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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