Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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