I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
