we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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