He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
