I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
