I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
