I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
