I just pynch a tree in the face
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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