I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
