You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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