its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
