it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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