So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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