just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
