I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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