Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
