I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize