I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
