the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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