i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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